Keeping Company with Rumi
Posted on 22 February 2010
I’ve been in a quiet phase. Spending lots of time alone at home. I’m liking my own company, and gearing up for something! I know that about myself. When I’m in hibernation mode, it’s growth time.
This weekend, I kept drawing the Rune Laguz. It’s the water rune, and indicates that this is a good time to immerse, cleanse, realign and gather intuitive wisdom. Perfect. Of course! I’ve also been reading poetry. My own from the past, some shared with me by friends, and Rumi. I’m becoming friends with the poet, Rumi. Some of his poems are so ethereal and beyond me, I can ponder them a lifetime. And some lines are so down to earth, they make me laugh.
So, tonight, instead of sorting out what’s in me to write, I’m sharing the Rumi lines I’m most fond of this week. What’s in me will emerge more clearly later. Rumi, however, is speaking my heart right now, so I’ll let him express. Enjoy!
***
All day I think about it, then at night I say it. Where did I come from, and what am I supposed to be doing? I have no idea. My soul is from elsewhere, I’m sure of that. And I intend to end up there.***
The way of love is not a subtle argument. The door there is devastation. Birds make great sky-circles of their freedom. How do they learn it? They fall, and falling, They’re given wings.***
Those on the way are almost invisible to those who are not. A man or a woman recognizes God and starts out. The others say he or she, is losing faith.***
When your love reaches the core, earth-heavals and bright irruptions spew in the air. The universe becomes one spiritual thing, that simple, love mixing with spirit.***
Don’t let your throat tighten with fear. Take sips of breath all day and night.***
This is how it always is When I finish a poem. A Great Silence overcomes me, And I wonder why I ever thought to use language. **** From Rumi: For the Sacred Circle of Lovers
My New Favorite Word: Commitment
Posted on 10 February 2010
For the past few months, I’ve been playing around with the word commitment. It’s not a word that has come into my realm of thought much before this year. In fact, I’ve thought of commitment as the anti-thesis of freedom and I really value freedom. I LOVE the word freedom. I love the concept of freedom. I can rally around freedom.
But commitment? Hmmm…..
My play with this word came out of a Landmark course that I took in which I was asked in multiple contexts – what are you committed to? Committed to? At first I couldn’t answer that I was committed to anything.
The word had been cropping up, even before Landmark. Last spring for weeks on end I was handed the paper cup by many a Starbucks barista with this saying on it:
“The irony of commitment is that it’s deeply liberating – in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.”
- Anne Morris, Starbucks customer
Honestly, the fact that I got this cup so often was irritating! Commitment is liberating? Okay, I got the concept, but still… committed to what?
I believe in many things, no doubt, and can argue for or against, but one of the things I believe is that life is not black and white, with rights and wrongs, so to be committed to something seems like being against something else, and I value freedom too much for that. Right? Yes, there’s my rational hesitation.
Yet, the elusive answer to what am I committed to seemed worthy to explore, so, in a willingness to play with this concept, I’ve been practicing saying this word like this: I am committed to love. I am committed to my clients. I am committed to my clients living a life that they love. I am committed to my own self living a life that I love. I am committed to a powerful life. I am committed to expressing who I am. ….and the play goes on!
That feels good! And, it IS freeing. Do I know what I stand for? If I do, I have a lot of space in which to grow, express, and create. If I don’t know what I stand for, what I am committed to, where do I go from there?
Somehow in this play I’ve come to realize that being committed to something isn’t really about being opposed to anything. It is about pointing myself in a consciously chosen direction, taking a stand, and rooting. From there, I am powerful and creative. I am engaged in my own life, and I have a purpose.
Ah! I find energy in that! So, keeping it simple, here’s what I will tell you: I’m committed to love, to fulfillment, and to authentic expression – for myself, for others, for the world around me. I’m behind those three things and am quite willing to make my life about them. That then is my work – for myself and for you. And, in that I have purpose and I know what I’m about in the world.
So, I have a new favorite word: commitment. It rates up there with that other favorite word of mine: freedom.
It’s a worthy and powerful question to shape your life, and so I ask you: what are you committed to?
If you know what you are a stand for, share it with us! If you don’t yet know, consider coaching with me to find out!
The Modern Village Welcomes a Baby
Posted on 1 February 2010
Last week I was part of a cyber-village candle light vigil. The vigil was in honor of my friends Shawn and Leyla, specifically timed with Leyla going into labor. At their baby shower celebration in November, we’d handed candles to guests as they departed, asking them to keep the candle until they received word (by me, via email) that the baby was coming. At that point, they were to light the candle, send their love and prayers, and wait for good news. Leyla and Shawn chose not to find out the sex of their baby ahead of time, and their baby was already affectionately named Baby Bear within the village.
On Friday, Leyla went into labor. On Saturday I got word to email the list of Leyla and Shawn’s 73 close family and friends, and out went the message: Baby Bear is coming. Please light your candles! Almost immediately, excited responses flooded in from the community: “Sam and I are holding space with candles lit and our hearts open to the new presence arriving.” “Know it is happening now, all is perfect and good. Welcome BB to bring joy and love into a waiting world.” And more…
Sunday morning the responses intensified: “Candle’s been burning strong through the night…SO much LOVE to Shawn, Leyla and Bear moving through this sacred experience.” “Lots of prayers for our girl Leyla! You are strong and going to get through this with grace! We are right here with you…candles burning! Breathe!”
And Monday morning they were really flooding in: “At this point I’m starting to think they really are having a bear! Sending out a totally awesome cosmic pic-a-nic basket of love! Let’s go Team Bear!” “Sending lots of love……it’s good to be a part of this wonderful energy!” “The sun is rising and the candle is still burning. Africa is waiting.”
Meanwhile, I fielded calls from friends who needed more than an email connection, I talked to Leyla’s mom in Philadelphia several times, comparing notes on the little info we knew, and every few hours, I talked with Leigh, a friend I’d bonded with as we planned the baby shower together a few months ago. Every once in a while Leigh or her husband would get a text update from Shawn and I’d post the new news to the village. Like everyone else, I kept a candle burning and stayed close to the computer and the phone, in deep awe of Leyla’s endurance and the process of natural birth itself.
When news came finally on Monday afternoon, that Baby Bear had arrived – a perfect beautiful baby boy, the cyber village celebrated together. A song about Baby Bear posted to the list from an excited friend in New York, ideas about bringing meals to the new family flew about from local friends,and feelings of love and connection flowed through all the messages.
The first night of this candle light party, I dreamt that I was at an event for the couple, and that I was scurrying around between the guests trying to get the candles lit. Suddenly, all the candles flared with light and I breathed a big sigh of relief. When I woke up in the morning, remembering the dream I had to laugh. As if I could light all those candles myself? Nope, it takes a village and the village was there.
We’ve all heard the phrase that it takes a village to raise a child, and in this case, a village helped in spirit to support the new parents in birthing one. What’s particularly beautiful to me is that time and location were irrelevant. Friends in Africa, Amsterdam and through the U.S. were connected in spirit – taking their time to light a candle, to share in the email conversation, to bring Leyla, Shawn and Baby Bear into their awareness with loving thoughts and intentions. That’s beautiful! That’s perhaps how things might have been in a true village experience and now, in our modern, urban experience, we can still create that kind of community – and we get to be creative in how we do that.
Here’s what I know. It’s easy to avoid community. And, it’s easy to create community. It’s a choice. Shawn and Leyla aren’t particularly unusual in how many people they know. They are perhaps unusual in how they have let the people in their lives be a part of their lives. And, while they received the gift of love and support from their community, by allowing the community to share in their lives, they gifted us.
Welcome Baby Bear Isaiah! Blessings on you! You have a village of aunts and uncles who already love you. Welcome to parenthood, Leyla and Shawn! Blessings on you! You have a community ready to support you as you raise your son.
***
Wouldn’t you know, there’s a handy website to organize friends who wanted to bring meals to new parents. It’s www.mealbaby.com and lets you create a meal registry — with a calendar, contact info, and a place to list what is being brought so not everyone brings the same casserole. A great tool to use within your village!
As I Listen . . .
Posted on 21 January 2010
I am honored by how people let me into their lives. As I coach, I listen to people who tell me more than just their hopes and dreams, they share their hurts, the ways they feel invisible, the parts of themselves they don’t like, and the things they are really afraid of within themselves and their world.
I’m honored by the depths of themselves that people are willing to reveal. It takes courage to be seen, and it is powerful. Often, I witness fears and shames dissolve as a person shares them. When they are spoken into the open space between us, and when we pause together to look at what’s there, what was once big and mountainous seems to shrink in power and scope.
This is my job as coach – to listen, to witness, to walk with my clients through their own inner landscape, and to help put what we find into perspective and light.
This morning in a parking garage a young man in an oversized, big hooded sweatshirt asked me for change. It’s been raining for days, the streets are full of running water, and his hood looked as if it had provided little protection. As I was reaching into my wallet, I asked him how he was doing. He told me “I could be dead right now,” and he pointed into the water filled street, “… but I’m not.” I looked in his eyes and saw him. They were full and I thought he might cry. “No, you’re not,” I said, “I see you here.” I walked away and my eyes were full.
It only took a question, and a casual one at that, for him to share himself with me. And it only took my listening for me to be touched by him. When people honor me by letting me into their lives, I’m the beneficiary of something meaningful. I receive that reminder of inter-connection when I let someone touch me.
I could try to interpret a meaning into my exchange with the young man in the parking garage, but that’s not necessary. It wasn’t a big epiphany, or a lesson… it was just a moment in which we connected and I walked away moved.
That’s the kind of listening I want to do every day, beyond my coaching sessions, beyond my deep conversations with friends and loved ones. As I honor those in my world by listening, I let them honor me with their sharing. It’s a circulation of real connection that itself bears witness to the fact that we are one in our humanity.
A Practice of Softening
Posted on 11 January 2010
One of my intentions for this year is to soften. It’s an intention inspired by my friend, Amy, who has a heart as big, wide, and deep as the ocean. I’ve seen her heart break, heal, and break again, and I’ve witnessed a gentleness emerge out of her being that moves me. Amy is strong. And she is gentle. In fact, the gentler she has become, the stronger and more resilient she is. She’s a friend who I fully trust to be able to hold space for whatever I might bring and whoever I might be. And when she holds that space, and embraces me, I feel her strength like a pulse. It doesn’t falter.
A favorite author, Pema Chodron, asks us to consider “How tender can I bear to be?” I have that question posted on my fridge as a reminder. It’s a question, that when asked, always shows me how much more I can soften into an experience – even of pain. And, deep into that softening is where I experience what love is.
I used to have an idea that love always felt good. I’m less concerned now with capturing a good feeling, and more interested in experiencing connection and openness. To have that, I have to soften even the ideas I have about what my love should look like or feel like.
Recently, sitting across the table from a former love, I felt my heart break again and I noticed. What I wanted to do was put up walls. I wanted to create a logic that would protect me. My mind was saying “I’m over you anyway” and my heart was working hard to find the numb place of forgetfulness. But, I noticed that and tried a new way. I softened and let the hurt arise. It hovered and I felt it physically in my body, but then it passed. And, when it did, all that was left was a great feeling of fondness for him, for me, for the us that we’d been, for who he was now, for the moment we were sharing. It was a love without all the filters of reason and logic and pattern. And, it’s still very real and tangible to me as I write this.
How tender can I bear to be?
That’s a question I’m willing to take on as a theme this year. It’s going to require practice. And, I don’t expect it to be easy to remember or to even be willing to do. And, yet, I think it’s not as hard as my mind wants to tell me it is. I think, actually, that it’s a practice in letting the heart work exactly as it is designed to work.
And so, I soften. And expand. And let you in.
Starting the New Year with Powerful Intentions
Posted on 31 December 2009
I like all the holidays, but New Year’s ranks at the top of the list for me. I’ve celebrated New Year’s at clubs, house parties, alone, in Vegas, and last year at a silent meditation retreat . . . what I do for the evening isn’t the thrill of New Year’s for me, though. The thrill is the turning point. The clean slate feeling of starting a new year. The reminder to stop and reflect on the past year as well as to look forward to the next. That’s what I love about this time of year!
Every year for most of my adult life, I’ve written down New Year’s goals or intentions. I started writing goals, then realized somewhere along the line that goals require success or failure, and it’s not always about whether or not I accomplish, it’s about what I bring into my life from my intention to grow. So, I started setting intentions, usually listed as qualities.
Here’s an example… At age 27 as I reflected on my life at New Year’s, I realized that somehow I had become inconsistent and dishonest in almost every area and relationship. I was unhappy in my marriage, but was working so hard on putting up a good face and keeping up appearances, that I had a hard time finding any truth about myself. I felt fake and lonely. That New Year’s I set the simple intention that by the end of that year, I’d be living in honesty. I didn’t know what that was going to look like, and I thought it was going to take a year to accomplish. It didn’t. In the following weeks, my courage grew and my life shifted. That was a roller-coaster year, and one of the hardest of my life, but I had a lot to pretending to clean up, and I did. Within six weeks I was living on my own. Within six months I was divorced. I would never have set that as a goal! I couldn’t have for-seen that as the highest choice for myself and my husband, but I can look back and see that it was. I can also see clearly that what caused the shifts was my new intention of being honest.
Not every year has been so dramatic, of course, but every year I enjoy looking back at what I wrote down as important to me a year ago, and reflecting on how it’s emerged over the next 12 months. It always emerges! One year I set an intention to be more musical. I forgot about it, but at the end of the year when I read my intentions again, I realized that my unlikely and spur of the moment decision to take singing lessons and later join a choir certainly did fulfill the intention. Last year my intention was to reclaim love as a priority in my life. As I look back this year, I see that this has been a year of loving connection and deep relationships. Not exactly out -picturing as my mind might have desired (i.e. no knight in shining armor has ridden in to sweep me off my feet and propose), but yes, this year has been a year of love from start to finish, and I am grateful.
So, here we are, at the end of 2009 and this year feels particularly significant to me as next year is the start of a new decade. That’s big! Who am I going to be in this decade? I get to decide that, lay the groundwork by becoming clear in my intentions, and then I’ll write it down as my way of declaring it to the Universe. I also share my intentions with friends. There’s power in speaking them aloud to witnesses!
Here’s my encouragement to you. Pause for a few moments as you enter the New Year. Feel into yourself and your deepest longings. Under the layers of what you think you want for yourself, feel into the qualities that you long to embody. The qualities that if you were them, your life would be different. And then focus your life with an intention to be that quality. You set the course for your life, whether or not you do it consciously. But make the course conscious, and I assure you, that’s the direction you will go.
And, then celebrate! Life is good, my friends. Know that I support you in your continued growth and success. You are a gift and you are loved! Happy New Year!
* * * * *
My friend, Coach Marianne Emma Jeff has written a workbook, and that I recommend as a tool to help you design a powerful new year. It’s called Discovering Your Intentional and Exceptional Life and is set up as a series of 15 minute exercises designed to help you review your last year, and to consciously determine your intentions for the next year. It also contains month by month intention setting pages to support you through the entire year.*
I completed the workbook last spring, and found it valuable in giving me a more objective perspective on who I had been in the last twelve months, what I had accomplished, and what I could celebrate. Recently Marianne revised the book, and now I’m working through it a second time.
If you’re interested in learning more about the book, you can visit Marianne’s website (www.motivatemyself.com) to download the first chapter, and to purchase a copy.
* Note: If you live locally, I invite you to join me at Marianne’s first of the month Women’s Success Circles where we complete those pages together. Setting intentions within a group is not only powerful, it’s fun!
Happy Holidays from the Far North!
Posted on 24 December 2009
I’m home in Alaska for the holidays, visiting friends and family, bopping between the guest room at my mom and step-father’s quiet home in the hills, and the basement of my dad and step-mom’s very active home downtown.
It’s good to be here, stepping back into the shoes of the Alaskan girl I am – literally! The shoes are boots, but you get the image, yes?
It didn’t take but a minute to remember how to drive on ice, to plug in the car, to start it at least five minutes before I want to go somewhere, or to dress for 20 below. Nor was it hard to fall into a normal and easy routine with my parents, or to dive into great deep conversations with friends. In my first few days here, I visited my favorite coffee shops, bookstores, the high school I taught at for ten years, and of course, Fred Meyers – the grocery and department store that sells everything! Every stop I make, I see people I know. Fairbanks, Alaska isn’t that big, and I grew up here. It’s home.
And while I’m here, I hear myself answering questions about life in LA and life coaching. And, I hear myself saying how much I love where I live. How I’ve made great friends. How my business is growing. And, how yes, all is well.
And so it is. I thought that this visit would bring big insights into how far I’ve come and what I’ve learned. Maybe those will come later. What does hit me is how grateful I am for the people who have shaped my life – from my former students and colleagues, to my family and growing passel of step-siblings, nieces and cousins, to my best girlfriends, and even my ex-boyfriends. I love the people in my life!
And, so it’s the holidays and my heart is full. Blessings on all my family and friends! And blessings on you and yours as well!
Global Contribution: Kiva and Loans that Change Lives
Posted on 17 December 2009
Leyla Aliyeva, an internally displaced person from an occupied territory in Azerbaijan, is trained as a lawyer, but to support herself after being uprooted and then resettled in a new region, she had to look for a new means of income. She opened a glassware business.
Juliet Oki, mother of two, lives in Ajambadi, Nigeria. She sells hair extensions called weavons and is also a hair stylist.
Dandy Ortiz, in the South Cotobabo region of the Phillipines, owns a store that stocks rice, vinegar, salt, canned foods and animal feed. He also raises pigs to supplement his income.
I’m part of these people’s lives. In fact, I loaned them money to grow their businesses. Over time, they paid it back, so I could loan that same money to others.
Pretty cool concept, isn’t it!?
How did I connect with these people? Through Kiva.org, “the world’s first person-to-person micro-lending website, empowering individuals to lend to unique entrepreneurs around the globe.” Kiva’s mission is to “connect people through lending for the sake of alleviating poverty.” That appeals to me! Through Kiva, I get to circulate and recirculate money with powerful intention.
Here’s how it works. My first loan was to Leyla in 2007. I logged on to Kiva, viewed her profile and read about her life, then I donated $25 towards her request for a $1200 loan. Many others also logged on and contributed to filling her loan, she received the money, and then we waited. Leyla paid back around $85 per month for the next 14 months, and when her loan was paid in full, I was notified that I had credit. I logged on again and found another person to invest in. That’s what I get to do – I get to invest in someone else’s success with an amount of money that isn’t really that significant to me, but that, combined with others’ amounts, equals a sum that makes a difference in the lives of an entrepreneur striving for economic independence.
Leyla, Juliet, Dandy, and the thousands of other entrepreneur’s who seek to expand their businesses to improve their lives, would not traditionally be able to qualify for banks loans. Their loan requests vary — $250, $320, $1,200—depending on their locale and need, and sometimes represent a year’s worth of income which would be impossible to save under normal conditions. Organization like Kiva, however, recognize that to alleviate poverty world-wide, individuals need to be empowered to help themselves. Women are prime recipients, and on Kiva, I’ve also invested in cooperative groups of women who create entrepreneurial projects to transform their communities.
So I share this with you because I’m happy to spread the word about Kiva. And, also because I know that many of us are looking for meaningful ways to give. This is one way to actually contribute your energy and intention toward global change, towards empowerment, towards the alleviation of poverty.
‘Tis the season, my friends! ‘Tis always the season for contribution!
_________
If this subject fascinates you like it does me, listen to this Ted talk and learn about Jane, a former prostitute in Nairobi who, in her life in the slums, says she’s faced every fear she could have had. Part of her story of power involves getting a loan for a sewing machine. I was moved – deeply!
Jacqueline Novogratz on escaping poverty | Video on TED.com
http://www.ted.com/talks/jacqueline_novogratz_on_an_escape_from_poverty.html
What Are You Interested In?
Posted on 15 December 2009
I’m interested in people who are interested in contributing to their communities. And I see them all over. What I’m interested in, I see.
I just got home from one of my Self Expression and Leadership program classes with Landmark Education. My classmates originate from 17 different nations, so we’re a diverse group, and yet we’re meeting almost weekly for three months with the common purpose of designing powerful lives that we love. Part of how that plays out is in each of us designing a project to impact one of our communities in a positive and transforming way. Each person in the class is interested in making a difference, touching and inspiring others, and each person has looked around their communities and seen a possibility to do just that.
What we’re interested in, we see. And what we see, shapes our lives.
My classmates see possibilities for transformation, and seeing those possibilities is shaping who they are being as members of their communities. Projects in the class range from orchestrating family reunions to creating education and outreach programs. And, the projects are taking shape despite each person’s fears, lack of experience, and reasonable thinking.
It’s a little unreasonable to think of taking time out of one’s already busy life to create a far-reaching, full of possibility project. And, yet, being reasonable doesn’t particularly create a powerful life. If I’m interested in reasons, I’ll see many reasons for not reaching for my dreams, or taking steps towards a project that isn’t even about me. If I’m interested in living a powerful life, I’ll see ways to make powerful contributions.
What I’m interested in, I see. What I see shapes who I am. And who I am shapes the world around me.
If you’re interested in seeing ways that ordinary people are making an extraordinary impact on their communities, do a google search for SELP projects, or visit these sites: http://leadershipandselfdevelopment.com/ or http://possibilitydirectory.com/selp-projects/
And stay tuned here for more details on how my project develops!
Who’s On Your Team?
Posted on 15 December 2009
One of my favorite questions to ask in a coaching session is “Who’s on your team?” I like asking this because it’s a different way to think about people in your life.
I have a big team, but I haven’t always had one. I actually have a pattern of scooting back into a space of independence that can easily cross into isolation. Being independent is a strength, sometimes a false front, and most often, it’s limiting. Allowing other people in to my life has taken a conscious effort – and a surrender of my need to appear strong and self-sufficient. I am strong and self-sufficient, but I really enjoy close connections, and I’m learning how giving it is to allow people to contribute to my life. Not to mention how rewarding it is to get to contribute in the lives of other people.
Community is actually one of my biggest values. I believe in building community. I value close friendships, family relationships, and knowing the name of the person who serves me coffee at Starbucks. I want to know the people around me! To do so, expands my own experience of my life.
Recently several of my clients have been sharing with me their visions of community – conscious community, open-hearted community, diverse community. Though we live in a world of convenience and technology that allows us to think of ourselves as separate, we gain much when we reach out.
Last night I took part in a Thanksgiving Food Drive with my networking group People Connectors. I looked around the room and realized that these people who’ve only been a part of my life for a few months, are now members of my team. And I am grateful – not only for who they are for me, but for how much we can do together for others. As a team, we gathered enough food to create Thanksgiving dinners for 30 families. And, we had a good time doing it!
So, I ask you, “Who’s on your team?” and if you have a hard time coming up with an answer, that’s good information and readies you for the next question: “How can you assemble a team that fully supports you?”
*****
A good resource for finding ways to connect with other people in your community: www.meetup.com
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