My Grandma passed away this week…

Posted on 19 October 2019

My Grandma passed away this week at 100 years old. She was in Alaska, so I wasn’t at her side, but I’ve been feeling her close in my heart as memories flood me. It’s tender to remember.

I gathered a collection of photos and wrote a short tribute to her on social media — you can see it here.

Years ago, I worked on my relationship with my Grandma with the very first life coach I ever hired. I was about to change careers, so I thought we’d talk about money, goals, and vision, but instead she guided me to look deeper at my own identity, and the fear and self-doubt patterns that intertwined.

For weeks, every session seemed to circle back around to Grandma.

Grandma was the person everyone said I looked like. She instilled the importance of politeness and respect in me. She praised me often for being quiet and good. She set the tone in our family, and I wanted to please her. But… I also felt defiant around Grandma, and I couldn’t express that.

I wanted to please Grandma and be loved, but I also needed the space to be me, and that space wasn’t offered. Thus, a inner split formed in my identity — on the outside I appeared one way, on the inside I guarded my truth.

My coach and I looked at that together. She guided me through forgiveness work. She helped me bring new information to old memories. She gave me the space to express and hear myself. She helped me dissolve shame and free myself from what I perceived were Grandma’s rules. This was deeply healing.

This work around my relationship with Grandma felt like a detour, but it wasn’t. It was necessary. In order to step forward in my life, I needed to be able to honor my truth without separating from others.

And of course, after all those sessions with my coach, my relationship with my Grandma entirely changed! I’m grateful for that more than I can say.

I don’t know if sharing this is a gift to you, but I hope it is. I hope it helps you to soften in some way towards yourself, your biggest teachers (like my Grandma was to me!), and this learning journey that is your life.

If you could use some support this month, my heart is wide open and ready to receive you.  Book some sessions.  We can sink deep together, shine light on what’s submerged within you, and heal anything.

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