How do you talk to yourself?

Posted on 18 August 2021

I haven’t met anyone who doesn’t have an inner critic voice of judgement that is unkind and unreasonable. We all do! Perhaps yours was installed from influencing voices of your childhood, or from life experiences where you felt yourself not measuring up or making mistakes. It’s so very human of us to struggle with maintaining an accurate, balanced and healthy view of who we are.

I think that most of us have a sincere desire to be good. Mix that with a compulsion to be right and not wrong, and we can get paranoid about where we fall on the spectrum.

The only escape I know for that is to soften into self-acceptance and recognize that I show up all over the spectrum of good/bad, right/wrong, and that is part of the sweet and complex experience of being alive on planet earth.

When I allow myself space to be all that I am, I find that it’s okay that…

…I am good at some things, not at other things.
…I sometimes operate with a high level of rightness, while other times I am flat out wrong.
…I often measure up to other people’s expectations, but not always.
…I am both kind and nice and well-intentioned, as well as selfish and oblivious and surprisingly judgmental.
…I am capable of seeing some things clearly and other things take me years to comprehend.

And all of these truths are part of me being human. It’s okay that I am this AND that.

Does it help for you to remember this for yourself? To give yourself a little more room and grace to be whoever and whatever you are?

There may be a part of you that is afraid to let yourself off the hook and be okay with yourself. That’s normal too. But give it a try!

You have more choice, space and awareness when you relax. Much more than when you hold yourself in judgment.

We’re over half way through the daily practice class I’m teaching this month, called I Am Enough. One of the big things we’ve been exploring over the past two weeks is how we talk to ourselves. I offered the class an assignment to create a new script of inner dialogue and turn it into a voice recording for themselves to listen to over and over as a way to cultivate a new inner voice — one that is healthy and honoring.

Try out these statements:

…I am enough. Whatever I got done today is enough.
…I am interesting and complex and I don’t have to be perfect. All I have to be is me.
…I make sense. My responses make sense.
…I’m changing and growing and learning, and wherever I am on the learning curve is good.
…I make mistakes and that’s okay. Everyone does. I accept myself as I am.
…I aim for authenticity and truth, not perfection.

You don’t have to inflate yourself with over the top statements of positivity. Aim for statements that are true, neutral and easy for yourself to believe. Make your new self-talk warm and kind. Give yourself space to be imperfect, and speak to yourself with a tone that calms your nervous system so you can relax and be present with what is.

You are enough. You were enough yesterday. You will be enough tomorrow.

If this is a growth edge for you, I do recommend purchasing this class. It’s been very satisfying to dive into multiple layers of a conversation about enoughness and wholeness. If you register now, you can join us for the last week of live classes, and have immediate access to previous recordings.

I also invite you to work with me in sessions. You lay out what you’re struggling with, and we talk it through together to the place where you have more peace and clarity.

I also have a free community sharing circle next week that you’re invited to. The topic this month is perfectionism.

Details for all offerings are below. Meanwhile, be kind to yourself. It’s a strange and wonderful experience to be you, alive in 2021, living a life that no one has lived before. Enjoy it, and create it to suit you.

I know that’s possible.


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