Comparison won’t help you…

Posted on 2 July 2022

I often catch my clients measuring themselves against unrealistic standards by which they determine that they are a failure, or an imposter, or just not good enough. Do you do that to yourself, too? It’s not helpful.

Our brains, using inflated examples of people doing better than us, will make up impossible benchmarks that leave us feeling shitty in comparison to who and what we think we should be.  But feeling badly about yourself based on THAT will not help you be happier, more authentic or more fulfilled.

It’s more helpful to remember that there is no comparison when it comes to you.

No one has had the particular set of life circumstances you have had. No one else was born with the specific line up of stars and parents and environment of your experience. No one has lived your life before!

Heck, it’s 2022! We’ve never lived through times like these. There is no guidebook for this adventure.

From that perspective, give yourself a pat on the back.

You’re NOT doing badly!  You’re figuring it out as you go. And if your path isn’t feeling great, get interested in yourself.

What are you feeling about yourself? (Is it valid?)
What are you thinking? (Is it helpful?)
What are you wanting more of or less of?
Where are you showing up authentically?
Where are you pretending?
Is the path you’re on healthy?
Is it kind?
What would feel better to you?

Put your interest here, and you’ll learn something about yourself, from yourself.

I’ll tell you over and over — your wisdom comes from within, and your inner guidance will steer you true. But you do have to do the inner work to focus, reflect and listen. Often that means pausing to clean up your untrue thoughts and quieting your self-judgment.

I’ll partner with you in that work when you’re in sessions with me. Or, join this summer’s Mastermind program, and I’ll teach you how to the inner work anytime you’re in a spiral of thoughts and feelings that are driving you crazy.

You’re here to be yourself – happy and fulfilled, not miserable or comparing yourself to others. Invest yourself in the directions that matter, and everything else will fall into place.

 

P.S. When you know how to manage your thoughts and tend to your feelings, you are unstoppable. In this summer’s Inner Work Mastermind, I’ll teach you how. Group programs offer big growth. We begin July 11. Read more and register HERE.

P.S. If you’re on the verge of some big change or ready to transform an area of your life, it’s a good time to invest in coaching. I offer a 12 session series for $2000. Interested? Your first step is to book a consultation. You’ll tell me where you’re at, I’ll tell you how coaching can help, and you’ll decide from there if now is the time.

 

 


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No blame. No shame. Just receiving.

Posted on 15 June 2022

I love loving my clients. If you’ve worked with me, maybe you recognize this. I get to be the one who receives everything my clients have to share and embrace them through it. No judgment. No shame. Just love and receiving.

It’s important, this space of unconditional listening and love. It’s neutral and kind and wise.

I see you’re here and it makes sense.
You make sense.
Let’s just be present together with what’s here right now.

We can’t just rush to feeling better or making different choices. First we have to accept — This is what’s here. Here’s where I am. Here’s what I feel.

From there, when we’re not hot with self-judgment or shame, we see more. We’re no longer deflecting or cringing or defending. We’re present to what’s here in a space of awareness. Now, more is possible.

I’ve learned so much from loving my clients. Just as I’ve learned so much from all the work I’ve done to love myself. This last year my inner voice has softened even more. I often find myself journaling:

I love myself.
I like myself.
I’m proud of myself.
I feel kindly towards myself.

This resets me. It plugs me in to resilience and presence. When I’m not longer running away from my failings, I can be curious about what they’re revealing.

I’m not completely over judging myself or feeling overly responsible and bad about not being perfect. But more and more I’m acknowledging myself just as I acknowledge my clients — I’m doing the best I can here. I’m not messing up. I’m just living a gloriously messy imperfect beautiful life.

I’ve needed people to model this for me. I’ve needed someone else to hold space for me that was kind and compassionate, so that I could heal and grow. This is what I offer you.

As a coach that I help clients strategize and think though their actions, but the base of all sessions with me is this — and unconditional loving and receiving of who you are so you can also receive yourself. Here lies authenticity and power.

Could you use some of this kindness in your life?

Are you ripe to recreate your relationship with yourself?

I offer a 12 session coaching series for transformation and change. Over the course of several months you meet with me regularly. We get clear on what you’re aiming to become and use the session series as your container for growth and manifestation.

If that interests you, book a consultation. This is a full hour for you to tell me about all that’s a challenge in your life and to look forward towards what you want instead. It’s free. It’s fun. It’s my offer to you.


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When you should give up…

Posted on 31 May 2022

When you’re tired and depleted, or find yourself deeply discouraged, surrender.

Give up trying. Give up effort. Give up fight.

Give up working hard to be positive. Give up the job of making the world a better place, of saving your loved ones, of being the best you…  Even give up your dreams. Offer them up to the Universe and be in the dark for a while.

In giving it all up, you may feel like you’re sinking. You are. Deeper into yourself. Deeper than your surface mind. Deeper than your surface concerns. Deeper than the expectations and standards you’ve erected for yourself that have shaped the identity you’ve been projecting.

There’s relief in loosening your grip. There’s healing in letting go.

Your ego will feel like it’s dying, but you’re not. You’re living.

Here’s where tears may rise.
Here’s where you exhale a sob or a sigh.

There may be grief. A wave of despair. An existential crisis. What is the point, after all?

It’s good to question. Get curious. Go back to ground zero and look again.

What is the point? And where have you missed the point in an effort to do, to try and to control?

Something in you is wanting to realign.
A deeper part of you is guiding you.

It’s whispering:
“Not that direction.
Slow down.
There’s something else here.
There’s an adjustment to be made.”

It’s precious to heed the inner impulse.
It’s wise to slow down.

Being tired is a message.
Being discouraged is a call to re-purpose yourself.

Don’t be afraid.

Stop and question your path.

Surrender your efforts in the places you’re trying too hard to make something happen that isn’t happening.

This creates space. Something new will arise.

I can’t tell you what it will look like or how you’ll emerge from this, but I can know with you that every point of discouragement and despair is a call to go inward. I can sit with you in the inquiry. I can hold the torch when you’re in the shadows. I can remind you – nothing is wrong here. You’re discovering an important clue to your path.

Trust and brave, Sweet Soul.

P.S. Are you in a time of deep questioning or transition or change? Book a consultation with me and lay it out. I offer a 12 session series for $2000, as a deeply grounded container for transformation and inner work. If this is what you need, allow yourself to receive it.

 


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The first life coach I hired…

Posted on 4 May 2022

Years ago, in the months before I left my former job, I hired a life coach for weekly sessions. A big transition was coming. I had chosen it! I was going to cash out my retirement, leave my career, move to Los Angeles, complete training to become a coach, and start my own business.

Was I crazy? Was I sure I wanted to do this? I had a lot to process.

I felt both excitement and waves of self doubt. Parts of me were so confident and clear. Other parts of me were scared to death. Coaching sessions helped me sort it all out so I could grow into the person I needed to become for this change.

My coach heard all of my inner craziness. She was a safe space for it. Week by week she’d listen with so much presence, I would find my calm and steadiness. When I’d lose my vision, she’d hold it. When I was judging myself, she’d reflect a kinder vision of myself back to me.

One day I showed up to my session paralyzed with fear. All the worst case scenarios were swirling in my head. I couldn’t control my thoughts. My coach helped me focus — she had me pull out each fear, name it, feel it, and imagine what I would do if it came true. With her, I let myself feel those big feelings, and as I faced them fully, they shifted. I left that session exhausted but calm, and those fears never came back with as much intensity.

Surprisingly to me, in these sessions we also ended up talking a lot about my grandma. Changing myself meant confronting the ingrained beliefs and patterns of my family system, and my relationship with my grandma was central to those patterns. Our dynamic was complicated. I loved her, but for many reasons, I also resented her. My coach helped me disentangle my identity from hers.

It was such an unexpected bonus that this series of coaching sessions I bought to prepare me for a giant transition in my career, completely transformed my relationship with my grandma. I found a new, cleaner love for her as I developed a clearer sense of myself. I’m so grateful for that because a few years later when my grandma passed away, I had no regrets with her. This is the power of doing your inner work.

I worked with my coach weekly for many months and kept in touch with her afterwards. Over the next few years I accomplished what I dreamed of when I made the choice to leave my job. The worst case scenarios did not come true. I’m grateful I was bold enough to take this path. I like who I’ve become.

Our sessions were a lifeline at the time – I looked forward to them eagerly each week — and I can honestly say that all those things my life coach helped me with over a decade ago are still paying dividends in my life. That’s the power of that investment.

Now I get to be for my clients what she was for me.

This spring I’ve had a number of clients in a similar transition time between jobs. I like holding space for that. I like helping my clients become people who up-level their career and negotiate higher salaries or flexible schedules or different responsibilities. I like helping them shift their self concept to become people who ask for more, make daring changes or pursue the dreams that honor their spirits.

Are YOU poised on the edge of transition?
Are you feeling a change coming?
Are you needing to find some inner strength or clarity that you haven’t fully accessed before?

If so, invest in support for yourself during this time. Coaching sessions help you face your fears, tend to your thoughts and find your solid footing on the inside.

Doing the inner work is always worth it, and I promise you, it will pay off in ways you can’t yet see.

I’m here for that and for you!

..

If you’re interested in working together, let’s talk! I offer a free consultation to explore where you are and where you want to be, what growth edges you’re surfing and how coaching might support you. Book a consultation time here.

And, if you’re a former client ready for more inner work, schedule more sessions with me here.


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I want you to be centered

Posted on 7 April 2022

I want you to be the calm in the storm.

I want you to feel grounded, clear and embodied.

I want you to be centered.

Why?

Because when you’re centered, you are empowered.

You don’t have to default to people pleasing or capitulating or making nice in order to navigate other people’s agendas.

You don’t have to have push or pull to get what you want.

When you’re centered you walk through the world with an aura of inner strength and stability, and this changes every situation and environment and relationship you engage in.

From center you know what to do, what to say, when to act, and also, when to wait and listen and allow. You are smarter and wiser and more empowered to create win-wins – with ease!

From center you have access to your skills, your intuition and your heart.

People who live from center create a kinder, greater world. And the world needs more of that.

Living life from a centered state is like learning a new posture. It takes practice. When you know what it feels like, you’ll notice more quickly when you fall out of center, when you lean into someone else’s experience or get pulled into someone else’s agenda or sidestep what’s actually here. You’ll catch yourself. You’ll right yourself. And you’ll do it over and over again until it becomes your natural way of being.

That’s the point of our daily class this month, First, Get Centered. We’ll meet every morning for 22 days, live or by recording, to practice, observe, share our insights and adjust our way of being in the world. Class is $111. We begin Monday. Join us.

Note: I teach a handful of daily classes each year because they’re one of the biggest boosts to my clients. If you haven’t taken part in a daily class yet, come join us for this one! Read more and register HERE.


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When you’re ready to say enough is enough

Posted on 5 April 2022

I love when brand new clients, especially those who have never worked with a coach before, choose to invest in coaching. Typically they are a little nervous to work with me, but fed up enough with something in their life that they’re willing to be bold.  Hiring me is a big statement to themselves that they’re making a change.

On some level of their being by committing to a series of sessions they’re saying, “I’m important. This issue is important. I’m willing to change it. I believe things can get better.”

That might not be fully integrated into their self talk, but it’s there within them. And that’s our starting point.

When you begin, even just a little, to believe that you matter, your happiness matters, your life matters, and that things can get better, then things CAN get better. 

Your relationships, your job, your schedule, your finances, your life — all of it should work for you. Your life should suit you. If some aspect of your life doesn’t — if it drains you, is full of chronic problems, insults your spirit, or feels like a compromise of who you actually are — that isn’t healthy. And you can change that.

Everything can be changed.
Everything can be transformed into something that suits you better.

Sometimes it changes through tiny tweaks. Sometimes through radical overhauls. Sometimes from walking away and starting anew. But first it starts with you saying, “Enough. I’m changing this.” 

From that inner declaration a whole new set of possibilities emerge. From there you can examine how and why and who you’re being, and you can choose differently.

It’s work to change — both inner and outer — but it’s work that pays off In fulfillment, satisfaction and joy.

Is that you?

Are you feeling enough dissatisfaction or frustration to stop and center yourself on what really matters to you?

If so, I’m here for you. Book a free consultation. Tell me what’s not working for you, what you want instead, and what you feel is holding you back. I’ll offer you my full presence, everything I’ve learned from coaching so many others before you, and my full faith that you can have what you desire.

More is possible. It starts with believing that.

….

P.S.  Would your life and relationships change if you were less reactive and more centered? Come join this spring’s class offering: First, Get Centered, and practice finding your center before you take action.  We start next week!  Read more and register here.

P.S.S. Are you a former client, ready for another deep dive, schedule more sessions here.


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Are you using your imagination?

Posted on 3 March 2022

One of my clients says that she uses her sessions with me to activate her imagination. I get that! A lot of our world is already imagined for us. To sit in the seat of the dreamer and imagine a future that excites you takes focus and belief.

Coaching sessions are my client’s space in which to talk about what she’s wanting and to explore what stands in her way. It helps her to have a dedicated time for this, because otherwise it doesn’t happen. The space to dream is precious and powerful. From here the actions of creation follow.

Maybe, like her, your imagination is a little rusty. Maybe your circumstances have your full attention and you haven’t been sensing a future beyond your problems.

If that’s the case, sit with me and focus.
Talk with me and borrow some of my belief for you.

What could be possible for you in the next 2 to 3 years? Expansion in your career? A big move? More love and connection? Greater health? Exciting leadership opportunities? Creative expression?

What might even be possible in the next year if you imagined greater now?

The road to more requires you to stretch beyond your comfort zone. You’ll have to change along the way. You’ll have to shift your priorities and expand your thinking and see with new eyes. I can help you with that.

I’ll remind you that it’s not futile or foolish to dream bigger. I’ll challenge your cynicism and help you see where you are limiting yourself with outdated beliefs or jaded perspectives. I’ll help you hear the wisdom inside of you that absolutely knows the next step and then the next… and leads you forward.

It’s audacious to be a person who imagines greater. But, please, Friend, do! The world is better when we imagine better.

P.S. If we worked together for 6 months, what would change? What could you create? Interested? If you’re not already a client, book a free consultation. Tell me what you’re dreaming of, what you’re wanting to be different, and what seems to be stopping you. I’ll offer you my full presence, everything I’ve learned from 12 years of coaching experience, and my knowing that you can have what you desire.

P.S. If you’re a former client, ready for another deep dive, schedule more sessions here.


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Why you should talk about your problems (and how)

Posted on 4 February 2022

I love that I have a job where people tell me all their problems. For real! My job is to listen to people talk about the things in their life that are hard and aren’t working, and I enjoy it, because it’s so important.

We NEED to talk about our problems! We need to pay attention to our discontent. We need to listen to our anger and frustration. We need conversations about what’s not working for us.

Problems are information. They’re your cue to change course or do differently or uncover something new. They aren’t to be ignored.

I’m not the person that people just vent to. As a life coach I hear it all, and I get to be part of the solution.

Here’s how to talk about your problems:

  • Own your feelings, your thoughts, and also your role in the problem.
  • Note specifically what isn’t working for you.
  • Identify what you’re making the problem mean.
  • Wonder about what’s really at the heart of it all.
  • And somewhere in there get curious and creative. Seek a solution!

Solutions come from seeking new perspectives that lead you to new choices.

Be a different energy, take a different stance, make a different ask, add a different ingredient — one little change can unlock a whole situation. Always, there’s a way forward that is better, but you have to believe it and look for it.

Having problems isn’t a problem. Being stuck in them is.

This year, be proactive. Use me. Book sessions and move through your stuck points faster and with higher solutions than you might come up with when you feel low.

You can change that relationship, get that job, pay off that debt, take that vacation, fall in love, be the person you want to be — I know you can! No matter the circumstance, there is a solution and a path that is healthy and true for you. Seek it.

 

P.S. Would you like to work with me this year? It’s fun to have a coach! And it’s an investment in your happiness and your future. If you’re not already a client, I invite you to schedule a consultation. It’s free, it’s 30 minutes, and it’s your time to tell me what you’re dreaming of, and for us to explore how I can help get there.

 


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Questions for year end reflection

Posted on 29 December 2021

I love these days between the Christmas and New Years. I like that it’s chilly. I like lighting candles in the evening. I like creating coziness on dark nights and reflecting. What was this year for me?

I’ve also been doing end of year sessions with clients, and reflecting with them. It’s rich to look back and acknowledge what we’ve lived through. By acknowledge I mean give it all a nod and show it some respect. Appreciate. Grieve. Celebrate. Reassess. Acknowledging gives us a broad view and softens our gaze in such a way that we can sense patterns and trajectories, themes and lessons. It helps us see what’s emerging and how we’re growing, and lead us towards what we’re called to next.

Here are questions you can sit with — with your journal or a beloved:

  • What did you experience in the last year that was hard and challenging? Did you live through some difficulties? Did you have times of the year in which Life took you to your knees? What did these challenges teach you? Did they crack you open and make you more tender? Did they forge new resiliency in you? Are you stronger now or perhaps still healing?
  • Where was the joy in your year? Can you recall moments of satisfaction and happiness? Who was present? What filled you and delighted you? Where did you create space for play and adventure? What nourished you at the level of heart and soul? What do you want more of?
  • Where did your energy and attention go? To whom did it go? What was asked of you? Did your priorities match your values? f you had a re-do what might you have chosen instead?
  • In what areas are you more confident? In what areas are you more humble? Are you becoming a person you like to be?
  • When you feel into the wisest parts of you, what do they tell you about the path forward? What are you longing for? What are your heart’s desires? What new possibilities do you see? Who do you want to become next?

Instead of making New Year’s goals or resolutions, aim for something a little softer, with more room for the unexpected – a word or theme that encapsulates a deep intention.

When you have yours, find ways to anchor it in your consciousness. Perhaps with a piece of jewelry, a playlist, a write up in the front page of a new journal — or share it with me and let it be the foundation of our work together this year.

I wish you warmth and comfort as you end this year. May you feel at peace with what has been and who you have become.

 


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What is YOUR joy?

Posted on 9 December 2021

My grandma, who lived to be 100 years old, used to say “joy joy joy” repeatedly. It was a mantra of hers, and everyone who knew her knew it. In this holiday season that mantra is in my head.

Personally, I feel like joy is a big part of the meaning of life.

…My Monday night dance class just started back up again indoors for the first time since the pandemic began. That’s my joy!
…The holiday tradition of baking and decorating Christmas cookies with my niece and nephew is my joy.
…My house lit up with lights and candles each evening after the sun goes down so early — that’s joy.
…My morning turmeric latte in a big ass mug is joy too.

The things that are my joy are the things that nourish me.

Noticing what’s joy to me is important.
Noticing what isn’t, is valuable too.

I had a few intentions for this month that were feeling heavy and unclear. When I slowed down and got present with them, I realized they were no longer lighting up for me. Not joyful. And actually not necessary. I let those go.

The thing about joy is that it’s not superfluous, it’s essential to our spirit

Joy takes us out of our head and into the moment of now. It can be found in small moments as well as big ones. And no, It’s not selfish to prioritize joy. It’s wise.

What is YOUR joy?
Where can you prioritize joy this month?
What can you create this holiday season that is nourishing and joyful for you (and your loved ones too)?

This season may be a full one for you… but don’t get so caught up in the busy pace that you miss the moments that will fill and delight you.

 


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